The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
