Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
