i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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