Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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