I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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