everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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