I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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