I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
