oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
