Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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