very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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