Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
