you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
