And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
