My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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