The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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