There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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