last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
