I think I died a long time ago.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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