They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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