so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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