i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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