Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
