In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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