he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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