maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
did i walk over a car last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
