Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize