Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
