please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
