he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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