I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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