Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
