Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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