i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
