she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
