my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
