You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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