Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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