how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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