yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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