There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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