so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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