Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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