I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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