Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
