he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
All I want is dick and wine.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
