Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
