Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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