wakey wakey hands off snakey
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
