Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dignity is for republicans.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
