Moan for me like Helen Keller
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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